Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
