Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
