I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
