Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
