yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
