I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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