Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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