I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
