just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
