I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
