A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize