He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
