Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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