did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
