my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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