Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
