i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
