Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
