so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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