So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
