Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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