Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
