there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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