Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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