Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
