Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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