The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
