I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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