He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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