im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My balls are so social today.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize