Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
