I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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