I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
