We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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