Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
