That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize