my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
