you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
