ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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