You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
