Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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