Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
