i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
