brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
