there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
