I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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