dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
