I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
