a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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