6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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