Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize