12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
