I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
