Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
