Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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