We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
