Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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