My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
