Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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