We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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