he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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